Don't take Punt Rd on a Friday night.

[hnpcc]

Ages ago I read a book where one character was dying and trying to think of advice to leave for his baby daughter.

The only thing he could think of was "Don't take Punt Rd on a Friday night".

I'd have to update this to:

1. Don't take Punt Rd on a Saturday during football season either.

2. Don't take Punt Rd during the Australian Open.

and

3. Don't take Punt Rd during peak hour.

I should also add:

(a) Just because there are gaps in the double lines doesn't mean you can turn right across three lanes of traffic into the servo just past the Yarra. Go up to the lights and do an illegal U-turn like everyone else.

(b) Don't expect the left lane on Punt Hill to have no cars parked in it, even if it is supposed to be a clearway at that time. Just assume it's one lane of traffic at all times.

(c) If you're in the right lane on Punt Hill expect the car in front to suddenly slam its brakes on and try to do a right turn into one of those funny little streets. Be prepared to swerve suddenly. Or slam on your own brakes.

(d) Don't enter the Punt Rd/Brunton Ave intersection unless the traffic is moving. In fact that goes for pretty much every intersection on Punt Rd. Don't assume the traffic will start moving.

and

(e) Chapel St is not any faster, don't bother trying. If you want to go fast in peak hour, buy a bike.

Comments

[numbat.livejournal.com]

Better yet don't go on the road. Or to Melbourne. Yes, stay in smaller city with better bike path system.

[hnpcc]

Ah but if you want a city with a social life you have to expect traffic... ;-)

And besides, Melbourne does actually have quite a good bike network. :-)

[numbat.livejournal.com]

After the last couple of days I'm beginning to think you have a point about Melbourne. Any chance it could be surrounded by a moat?

[hnpcc]

After reading the papers yesterday and today I really hope you're OK.

What a firestorm.

Unbelievable.

[fishlifter.livejournal.com]

We're a month away from having congestion charging in central London, which is becoming mired in political manoeuvring and general ill-will at the effrontery of someone coming up with a solution which doesn't simply involve clearing everybody off the road except [me for individual values of me] and the few exemptions which each individual would magnanimously allow to drive on their roads.

Meanwhile, Londoners have evolved their own code of driving to cope with everyone else being bloody-minded. All it therefore needs is for one person to start it off and then everyone feels justified in following suit. This includes:
-- Never approach a traffic light junction in the correct lane for the direction you want to go.
-- Don't indicate; it will only confuse people.
-- If the traffic ahead of you can't start moving as soon as the green light is anticipated (i.e. on red-and-amber), then at least one or two cars are justified in going through your red light.
-- If you hoot after a near-collision it will look as if you were in the right. If the near-collision came about because both of you did something illegal, the driver who carries on hooting the longest is best.
-- Always pull out into the middle of a junction when traffic is queuing; they only paint those no entry markings on the road to show you where the best waiting spot can be found. Once you're there, you're entitled to pull out in any direction you want (remember: don't indicate) whenever you want.
-- Every Englishman has an inalienable right to park outside his own house.
-- You can park anywhere if you leave your hazard blinkers on.
-- None of the usual rules about traffic lights, pedestrian crossings, one-way streets, not using the pavement etc. apply if you're on a bicycle. After all, you're in a life-or-death situation with the motorised traffic here, so why not help the pedestrians to understand how you feel?
-- Since traffic may not obey the pedestrian lights, pedestrians are entitled to cross the road whenever and wherever they want to provided they accept the risks. Once on the road, drivers must be able to see them so they can wander as slowly as they like.

[numbat.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. This is the grumpiest I've seen you in a long time. I guess everyone has issues with London traffic. Must make a note to buy you one of those modified limos with roof mounted cannon, flemthrowers, and a chauffeur skilled in martial arts.

[epideme.livejournal.com]

You forgot Couriour motorcycles. They have the right to ignore every single road rule, and heaven forbid any van that tries to pull out when they are illegally overtaking.

I used to drive a van around London. The trouble is that it is impossible to follow all the road rules without sitting in the same spot for 4 years. Overall Melbourne drivers are FAR worse.

[hnpcc]

Overall Melbourne drivers are FAR worse.

Now this I have to disagree with.

We're not worse, we're "multicultural". We've taken aspects of driving from many cultures, including Italian, Vietnamese, English, Indian, and American.

And besides, London drivers would be as bad if they could only get the speed up a bit. ;-)

Seriously though, my friend from Wolverhampton finds Australian drivers less tolerant - we won't let people in being the main indicator of that - but better than the US. I personally still believe San Francisco drivers are the worst I've encountered - but then again, I've never been to India or Vietnam. Levels of road rage have definitely increased in the last five years though.

I think it's cultural myself. Once you adapt to how the local culture works or doesn't on the road it all becomes quite normal.

And the best advice is still to assume everyone else on the road is a complete moron who will, without any warning, do the stupidest thing possible at that moment. Particularly if they're driving a semi (although I could be biased after driving the SE freeway all week).

:-)

[numbat.livejournal.com]

You probably have a point about Melbourne drivers being multicultural in their driving experiences. However it's also worth remembering that many resident of melbourne moved there from other states where the road rules are almost but not quite the same.

Interestingly a friend of mine is of the opinion that nashville has some of the worst drivers in that country. She claims they're sloppier and more careless than most.

I like to assume every motorist is an incompetent serial killer. Most probably aren't but there isn't the time to separate the sheep from the accidents.

[hnpcc]

You can park anywhere if you leave your hazard blinkers on.

I think that one's universal unfortunately.

None of the usual rules about traffic lights, pedestrian crossings, one-way streets, not using the pavement etc. apply if you're on a bicycle.

Bike couriers. Can't live with them, can't run over them. Red light? Not my problem. I have actually seen a pedestrian be hit and end up with a cracked skull from one who decided to ignore a red light while there were pedestrians walking across the intersection. Honestly.

[frieda.livejournal.com]

I avoid Punt Rd. by living on the other side of the planet. However, the traffic around here is the worst I've ever encountered. During the morning rush hour it can take more than an hour to travel the couple of miles between my house and central Lancaster. Sod a bike; I want a helicopter.