hnpcc | V: part VI

I got a bit behind with the V episodes, partly because channel 9 decided to have a week break and then put them on an hour later, and partly because I was writing essays and being in Queensland.

Anyway. We return belatedly to the series, starting off with the ship hovering over Sydney. It's always Sydney when they decide to show somewhere in Australia - I know this is for recognisability reasons, but it has the added benefit of making the rest of the country feel safe. Hey, the aliens only know about one of our cities - and it's not Melbourne! Cool!

Anna is Blissing out the population again, and everyone's standing around on the ship staring at the ceiling. Well except one guy, who's kind of obviously not Blissed and is trying to tell his girlfriend how much he loves her, right before he kills her and everyone else on that deck of the ship when he explodes the bomb strapped to his body. OK, the on-board 5th column have started suicide bombing now? Because that seems kind of... counterproductive. Then again he was wandering around being as subtle as a rock during the Bliss session, so I suppose it was a matter of time before he was skinned anyway.

hnpcc:This ep directed by Dean White!!

Back on the New York ship, Anna is really unhappy that someone blew up her Blissed out minions. She doesn't say it's specifically because it happened while she was Blissing them, but you get the feeling it probably is. Maybe there's a feedback loop or something. Apparently the 5th column are immune to her Blissing because they have adopted human emotions - hang on, how does this work? Bliss is a substitute for emotions? Argh, why am I bothering, this is basically RobotMonster without the coherent explanations. She sends her Plastic PA off to get Dr V - she has a plan to suss out the on-board 5th columnists.

The GIRAT is on telly again. Scott Wolf is reminding me more and more of Michael J. Fox - it's a combination of his height and the extraordinarily boyish face he's got. He must stay out of the sun a lot. He's "reporting" that there might be a press conference later. Dweeb, who is watching at home, gets really excited by this and grabs his Peace Ambassador jacket. Erica reminds him that actually no, he has school today (and surely he's in year 12 and should turn up?) She's also still very aware of the Peace Ambassador jacket-camera.

Plastic PA is announcing to the press conference that the V's are starting an exchange program, where humans can come and live aboard the ship and learn about V life. Lucky humans will be chosen at random from all over the globe! Dweeb totally wants to go, and not just because he thinks exchange programs are mostly about exotic sex and alcohol.

Meanwhile the Priest and Warehouse Guy are shiftily hanging around at the back of the press conference, completely failing to blend in. Worst. Secret. Resistance. Cell. EVAH!!! They honestly couldn't be more obvious if they wore signs saying "Join the 5th Column - ask me how!!"
Not to mention - how did they get in there? Does no one check badges? Not to mention why on earth they're there anyway when they could be watching at home like Dweeb. Did no one read this script before they filmed it?!? Warehouse Guy decides that a good person to try and recruit to their Secret Resistance Cell would be the GIRAT. Because nothing says "good access and probably up for being a resistance member" like the guy who's been acting as the V's human mouthpiece and prominent cheerleader. Sheesh, why don't they try recruiting Al Gore to the BP Board while they're at it?

The other two original members of the Resistance Cell Brains Trust are meanwhile meeting to discuss Dweeb. Erica is planning to tell Dweeb the truth about the Vs. Ryan looks at her like she's stupid, and points out that this would have the effect of making the Vs suspicious of him and giving them a heads up in which direction to look for the off-ship 5th columnists. He suggests being patient and letting things lie for a bit. The Priest and Warehouse Guy finally end this conversation by turning up, and FakeBrit makes a speech about how useless all four of them are. I would agree with him, but I'm too busy laughing - somewhere between last episode and this episode he realised that no one on the crew can apparently hear the difference between an Australian and a UK accent, so he's stopped bothering.

hnpcc:OMG FakeBrit accent is getting worse.

Actually the TWoP recapper thinks his accent sounds off-Irish, which is interesting. When we travelled from St Louis to Chicago by train last year the two American women Dean was chatting to thought his accent was Irish too. No wonder this guy is getting away with it so easily.

FakeBrit points out that without an army they're toast. Warehouse Guy says quickly they have an army, it's the 5th Column! Who are going around doing stupid stuff like bombing their own ships... OK. Ryan points out that they're also spread out all over the planet, and can't be quickly activated. Not least because most of them are in hiding. FakeBrit suggests - using the word "mate" in the middle of it - that Ryan use his status as an Actual V and break on to the ship to plant a message in Anna's next broadcast. This will let them activate all the earth-bound 5th columnists.

Ryan looks horrified and refuses. Later he's taken The Therapist to his V doctor friend, who believes that Love Will Find A Way to allow cross-species breeding. I bet she uses homeopathic remedies too. She's currently aiding and abetting Ryan in not mentioning the cross-species nature of her foetus by showing The Therapist an ultrasound of a normal baby, rather than the true ultrasound, which she shows Ryan in private. It has a very long tail. Also, The Therapist will die without more phosphorous in her system, which only the V ships apparently have in the right concentration pill or something. Seriously? Because I bet if you checked the Sigma-Aldrich website you could probably find what you were after.

Erica's finally showed up to work, which for this series is unusual. Another FBI agent tells her he might have a lead on the whereabouts of FakeBrit. It is of course FakeBrit himself, who she quickly ushers into her office. FakeBrit is now suggesting that he go aboard the V ship, because if he can pass as an FBI agent he can pass as a reptile!

Erica fails to notice the stupidity of this plan. She, FakeBrit, Warehouse Guy and Ryan have gathered "secretively" at some abandoned docks (seriously, why not just keep meeting at the church, it'd look much less suspicious), when Ryan points out that the V's can detect their own damn species, no matter what their exterior looks like. Also, duh. So he's going up there and he's doing it today. He sends all of them off to get stuff he'll need to get on the ship - Erica to find a V who has the same rank and serial number, FakeBrit to get fake fingerprints and credentials, Warehouse Guy to stay out of the way and not screw things up. Quickly. He also reminds them that if this goes wrong, he's dead (not quickly) and if they don't hear from him by 4pm they should assume the worst and go into hiding (OK, that'd be my reaction).

Anna is being scanned by Dr V while watching videos of massacres, babies crying, and other stuff that Humans Feel Emotion During. I really hope they included a full screening of Beaches in there. She has no visible reactions, and directs Dr V to use her results as a baseline when he screens the entire ship's crew. She's going to weed out these emotions!

astrocave:Also: "our species doesn't have human emotions". Nice of them to use us as the benchmark

Ryan tells Warehouse Guy that if he doesn't make it back he (Warehouse Guy) should find The Therapist and tell her the truth about him (Ryan) and about the baby (cross-species hybrid, possibly crocodilian). Erica gives Warehouse Guy a lift home and sighs about Dweeb possibly being invited on the exchange program. He tries to care and asks if she has a plan to stop that.

FakeBrit meanwhile is having a Spooks-esque conversation (neither of them are looking at each other while sitting on a park bench) with a woman he's purchased information from. The information is on his fellow Resistance Cell members, and basically tells us stuff we already know, with the exception that The Priest testified against senior officers over Rules of Engagement breaches. Oh so that's why he left the military. I thought it was just because he was useless.

hnpcc:WORST UK ACCENT EVER!!!

FakeBrit's accent is still stuck somewhere around the east coast of Australia.

Erica's great plan to wean Dweeb off the V's is to take him to see his father. His father is surprised to see them - he and Erica had a somewhat bitter divorce it seems. He and Dweeb are happy to see each other though, and Dweeb heads straight out back to work on some engine. Ah, masculine bonding.

Ryan has managed to get on to the V ship with his fake ID and his fake jacket and his fake fingerprints. He lines up to get through Customs - damn, you'd think with all this newfangled technology they could just screen you as you came off the shuttle or something. Meh. There is a very lame attempt at suspense when Ryan's fingerprints don't clear the first time - he asks them to try again, they do, the fingerprints clear. It's harder to get through US customs these days. Ryan turns to look at a baby crying, which catches the eye of a black-clad V. Possible empathy showing!! Suspicious!!!

DrV's empathy testing is leading to a high fail rate, including Plastic PA's number 2. DrV proposes re-testing, citing a 2% margin of error in the test. Anna ignores him, saying she'll deal personally with all the failures.

Dweeb and DweebDad are bonding over a BBQ (masculine bonding ritual #2!) Dweeb admits that he thinks his parents divorce is all his fault, because he had a serious motorcycle accident. How old is Dweeb again? 12? 8? 17? Definitely one of those three numbers. Also - what, the FBI health cover is going to blow out over a motorcycle accident?!? God help you if you get shot then. DweebDad assures him that the divorce had nothing at all to do with Dweeb's inability to keep his motorbike upright.

Ryan is being followed by the V In Black as he sneaks around the ship looking for the phosphorous pill store. VIB springs him lifting some of the pills, Ryan counters that his supervisor asked him to get them, and VIB demands that he undergo empathy testing. Ryan really doesn't have a choice but to agree, even after it's explained to him that if he fails he dies. Hm. I'd probably at least have tried to knock the guy out and make a run for it or something.

GIRAT is still rabbiting on about the exchange program. The Priest approaches him to ask obliquely if he'd mind keeping an eye out for anything suspicious about the Vs. Especially before he starts more actively promoting their benefits. The Priest claims that "some of his parishioners are nervous". GIRAT looks vaguely suspicious, but appears to buy it. For a plan dreamed up by Warehouse Guy and the Priest that went surprisingly not badly.

Erica is having a conversation with DweebDad, who tells her that Dweeb thinks he's responsible for the divorce. Erica fails to care. DweebDad wants to know what is going on, and suggests that they tell Dweeb together "who he is". This is the point I was convinced that DweebDad would turn out to be gay. Erica still doesn't think that's a good idea, but does think some father-son bonding time would be great. DweebDad agrees happily.

Ryan hasn't checked in and Erica and Warehouse Guy are getting nervous and phoning each other a lot. Um Erica? Maybe not phoning the guy who is on the FBI records as a nutcase anti-V activist might be a good idea? Warehouse Guy decides to go and see the Therapist, who lets him into the apartment despite never having met him before. In New York City. I think the pregnancy is causing brain damage. She hasn't heard from Ryan either, but he did say he'd be busy. Warehouse Guy notices a pregnancy book on the table and the Therapist admits that yes, she's up the duff to Ryan (but it's under 12 weeks so they weren't actually telling people yet.) Warehouse Guy looks thoughtful. I have to say under the same circumstances I'd probably have blurted out about how that's impossible being a cross-species baby and all, but obviously he's had more practice at keeping his mouth shut.

The GIRAT has gone to see the Priest, at the church. OK, this contacting the V mouthpiece was a bad idea - don't tell me he gave his card to the GIRAT as well. The GIRAT wants specifics, the Priest doesn't have them and suggests looking on the V ships. The Priest also thinks that GIRAT must think there's something suss going on as well, otherwise he wouldn't be there. Well he is the GIRAT, and the 'I' has to come from somewhere. Or he could just be wanting to curry favour with Anna. Either/or.

astrocave:Also, GIRAT has finally joined Tribulation Force! Well done Dean White!

Warehouse Guy has phoned Erica (again) and tells her that he's so concerned about Ryan that he's going to go onto the ship and find him. Erica tells him to not be stupid and wait for her return, but as Warehouse Guy hangs up the shot widens and he's already on a shuttle.

hnpcc:Warehouse Guy is an idiot

Erica bids Dweeb and DweebDad farewell and heads back to NYC, claiming work. I hope she doesn't claim it on tax as well. She looks like she might be vaguely emotional about leaving Dweeb, but it could also be a hiccup.

Ryan is failing the emotions test. Dr V tells him he's failed, that he was noticed reacting to the crying baby and he was stealing phosphorous, and that he's therefore a 5th columnist. Ryan looks more and more nervous during this speech. Then Dr V introduces both himself and VIB as 5th column. Ryan looks relieved, then asks how many there are aboard ship. Not many, and they're being weeded out rapidly by the emotion test, oh and Anna's birthing soldiers, oh and you should probably leave the ship ASAP before someone catches you as you're now incapable of acting like a proper V. Ryan tells him about the Action Message they were planning to send during Anna's next broadcast, and Dr V agrees to do it. Dr V also tells Ryan to go find John May's old communication device, which is somewhere upstate. Hm, that's specific, New York State's not large at all.

hnpcc:Go to this rough location and find a radio!

He also warns Ryan that once The Therapist recieves the phosphorous there is no going back. Really? Isn't this entire pregnancy suppposed to be impossible?

Lisa makes an appearance, telling Anna that her plan is working with Dweeb. Anna points out that an important part of the plan involves Dweeb being on the V ship, where he is most certainly is not. Lisa agrees to get Dweeb on board.

Erica's back at Resistance Secret Headquarters and is pissed off to learn that Warehouse Guy has gone off to the ship. FakeBrit points out that Warehouse Guy is totally expendable, whereas Ryan isn't, so him going up to try and rescue Ryan makes sense. Like how - they get two for the price of one if caught? The Priest is also unhappy that FakeBrit sent Warehouse Guy up there (or at least enabled him to get there); FakeBrit seriously doesn't care. Not as unhappy as Erica though, who punches FakeBrit in the face. Um, Erica? You blackmailed this guy into helping you, why would you piss him off further?

Warehouse Guy is entering the ship, as Ryan (who has taken off his V jacket for some seriously stupid reason) is attempting to leave. Anna starts her broadcast. Dr V hacks into it frantically. Ryan attempts to blend in with some humans leaving the ship, but is noticed by a security guard. Dr V finishes hacking and sighs with relief. "John May Lives!" flashes across all the V ship screens, confusing the hell out of everyone who has no idea who the hell John May is. The security guard goes to nab Ryan but is intercepted by Warehouse Guy who stabs him with the knife he was planning on bringing through customs, yells "John May Lives!" and generally creates enough of a diversion that Ryan makes it onto the shuttle as the doors close. Warehouse Guy tells Ryan to go be with his wife/fiancee and child and then is taken down by quite a large number of V security guards.

Anna is being told about the hacked message appearing. She's pleased despite the security breach, saying it will bring the earth-bound 5th columists out and they can kill them off at their leisure. Yeah, like you've been failing to do with the Secret Resistance Brains Trust Cell. Meanwhile the exchange program will win hearts and minds.

astrocave:At least something is happening! Even if it is confusing... We need to lure the 5th column out into the open so we can destroy them! No, we need the 5th column to come out and fight!

Ryan finds the Therapist painting the baby room yellow. Well I guess if you're not sure whether it's a boy, girl or crocodile then yellow is a neutral colour. Ryan offers her a cup of tea, goes off and dumps half the phosphorous into it. The "phosphorous" is blue. I think he's buggered up and gotten copper sulphate myself. Either way it's probably not healthy. He brings back the blue half-cup of tea, and the Therapist totally fails to notice either the colour, the smell or the taste and drinks it. Nice of Ryan to give her the choice about whether she wanted to continue this pregnancy or not!

hnpcc:Here have this purple tea that is completely normal. Heh.

All the Vs who failed the empathy test are gathered with Anna, who gives them a suicide pill and tells them if they're loyal to her they'll self-immolate. All but three promptly do, leaving the indecisive ones who weren't sure whether self-immolation was worse than being skinned alive with the choice of downing the pill as quickly as possible or finding out. You know, I can't see a flaw with this idea at all, apart from causing the deaths of quite a large number of loyal crew members who you might need later on. Still, I guess that's the difference between a K species and an r species.

Ryan has come back and is now yelling at FakeBrit for letting Warehouse Guy go up there. Guys, do you want this guy to help you or not here?! Erica calms him down and says that as long as Warehouse Guy is still alive there's hope and they can rescue him.

Erica does confession with the Priest, worrying that leaving Dweeb with his father was a bad idea. Oh FFS make a decision and stick with it!!

Lisa shows up on DweebDad's doorstep late at night, and Dweeb lets her in.

Ryan and the Therapist are sleeping, although the Therapist looks like she's having trouble getting comfortable. This might be because the 6 week old embryo is doing Alien-esque patterns on her stomach, its' tail very obvious by now. It liked the copper sulphate/phosphorous mix, obviously.

hnpcc:Also almost animatronic baby time!

astrocave:Heh. Also human/alien mammal/reptile hybrids somehow more viable than normal babies. Who knew?

Warehouse Guy meanwhile is stripped and lying on a bed while sharp, pointy and glinty tools are being laid out. He's starting to look like he too wishes that FakeBrit had stopped him.